By Bart Sharp

When people are raised in homes where they are shamed by their parents to such an extreme degree they grow-up in a state of toxic shame, (being shamed to such a degree that if effects someone in significant ways).  One-way people who grow up in a toxic shame environment is living in a defensive position in all interactions.

Someone who I never relish spending time with but fate puts me with them is the person who is always right.  I know someone embodies this.  As I hear the stories of his life it is an ongoing barrage of his great achievements and insights.   The man is never wrong or at least shares it.  Looking at his life of ongoing conflicts with co-workers, alcoholism and a failed marriage there is plenty of room for growth.  Why isn’t this person seeing their shortcomings and putting the focus there?

The reason being is that this person has defended his life from the point of view that he is right and leaves little room for admitting mistakes.  When we acknowledge our shortcomings we open to a new possibility of seeing something new in our selves; how we made the mistake.  As long as we are right we will never see a different possibility.

In some respects being wrong is a power to move beyond our old self and into something greater.  Being willing to admit our wrongness creates vulnerability, an opened state.  We see so much more.  When the ‘right minded person’ has a conflict it usually means that the other person has to confess their wrongness for the confrontation to be resolved.  It usually is a defensive struggle of position and verbal force instead of exploration and growth.

Anyone who is an inventor knows mistakes are a part of the process before the great discovery is found.   However, many people lose this perspective when relating to them selves, their defenses automatically go up when there is a slight possibility of them being label as wrong.  Like the person I know, their fear of being accused that they are lesser than another is huge inside of them.  In this case the insanity of toxic shame creates the unconscious fear that if you are found wrong a great humiliation will happen.  That fear lurks inside of them influencing the person to defend them selves by being right at all costs. An unconscious underlying fear created from childhood that existed in a toxic shame environment.  When we begin to look at the ways we had to defend ourselves in a shaming home environment we start freeing ourselves from our unconscious patterns.

By Bart Sharp

Toxic shame is when we are raised in a home where we are placed in situations that we are controlled in an abusive way/s that create our self image as less than.  We create us in a false way to be able to fit into a dysfunctional home environment and lose a part of the truth of who we are as a result.  Those who have had toxic shame as children and then as adults are in a shaming environment we revert back to those old behaviors through out our life.  We can break the patterns created in a toxic shameenvironment by addressing our shamed child within us.

I recently worked with a woman who seemed to be in kind of a shock.  She told me the word that described her self was ungrounded.  Especially in situations that were stressful with others, she could not have the focus to speak her own mind.  She also found it difficult to remember details such as what she had read, the information appeared to pass right through her.

As we explored her life she told me of her mother and father and the unsafe environment that she grew up in.  She had little control with two parents who were intimidating and sometimes physically punitive.  It made the young girl feel overwhelmed with her interactions with the parents.  She was always nervous that she would do or say the wrong thing leaving her with a sometimes overwhelming anxiety.

The most brilliant thing she could do, as a protective device was to bring her awareness outside of herself as the little girl’s mind and spirit left in some ways.  She went out of her present state of being to function in daydreams, fantasies and in states of minor shock.  The benefit was that the painful experiences with her parents were not so intense.

Being partially disembodied or out of body is a common experience for those who grew up in stressful homes and/or were abused in some way as children.  It is a defensive mechanism that directs us away from feeling so much of the pain back then. Often these people as adults are triggered by the same behaviors that they experienced as children.  For example, my client would become extremely nervous and would begin to stutter when people began to raise their voice, she lost her concentration.  The belittlement in her childhood was the toxic shame that would always guide her back to the behaviors of her past.   Also these people who ‘go out of themselves’ are often more psychic and/or more in tune with their surroundings.  They often develop their intuitive abilities as a way to predict aggression in their environment.

I began to work with the ashamed young girl that existed within the woman, those places that were suppressed deep inside that created the need to go out of her body.  Many of these were fractured parts of the woman existed.  As an intuitive therapist I began to help her identify the body memories of these suppressed experiences to find the part of the girl/woman separated. For example as she talked about how her mother yelled at her we could feel the tension in her stomach react to the recalled memory then we would begin the journey of finding a part of her that left as a result to the traumatizing experience with mom.  When the split part was reintegrated the tension in the stomach permanently went away and the person felt more present in themselves when around intimidating people.

By reliving the childhood experience my client learned how to feel them again inside of her as they resurfaced.  When the past energetic memories came back she had an opportunity to begin clearing them herself or with me.  The woman’s anxieties and fears continued to be relived as her body showed these old stressed memories to her, such as a tension in her stomach.  They were the same places she felt them as a child when her parents mistreated her.   Now the woman did energetic clearings to shift the memories to a neutral experience so they would no longer trigger her to being anxious or to stutter.

As dozens of these traumatized parts resolved the woman became more present within herself, her body felt better and happier.  Through several weeks of work she was able to be present when others were angry and loud.  The ashamed disembodied places inside of her were integrated back and she did not revert to the nervous stutter when the stress was on. The woman’s actions to the toxic shame of her childhood had changed greatly and she was enjoying the fruits of it.

By Bart Sharp

Several years ago I attended a blessing by the world reknown hugging saint Ammachi.  Ammachi gives thousands of people each year a blessing by hugging the person called darshan.  For many it is a life changing experience as the blessing raises the vibrational rate of the person.  Each time I have received darshan I feel a surge of energy from Amma that races within me that feels ecstatic.  I leave these encounters feeling changed.

On one occasion I had decided to silently bring the intention to Amma during the blessing that I wished to resolve all of my sexual problems.  As I waited in line I focused on this intention and reflected on what I thought was sexually wrong with me.

Once I was receiving Darshan from Ammachi an overpowering thought was in my mind of having sex with Amma.  I could not release this thought and focus on a more divinely state of receiving the blessing.  All I could think about was having the sexual act with Amma.

I was mortified with embarrassment from my thoughts.  I finished the thirty-second blessing acting as if nothing happened but I felt extremely guilty for having such thoughts.  I left Amma’s immediate area to be alone in my shame.

Later that evening I shared the story with a male friend who chuckled at my dilemma.  He told me that Amma was only serving my request.  She brought her own presence into my thoughts as a message.

Years later as I reflect upon this experience I see that Amma was changing me.  It was a transmission on many levels. One aspect of it was to make love as if I was loving a goddess.  To address my intimate partner in such reverence opens me to a higher love through my partner.  In such humility and heart-opened love for another we create the possibility for a higher love.  To being with someone that you are motivated to have such vulnerability with opens you not only in seeing the god/goddess in them but to open it in you.

By Bart Sharp

Unrequited love is not returning love in how it was given to us.  This concept is especially true with those who were abuse by their parents and the love they received was much lesser than whole.  The abused child harbors the shame and anger from the abusive relationship.  It is their challenge in their adult life to find an identity in loving themselves even if it was not given or taught to them.  If not the abused adult will most likely repeat the patterns of abuse in an active or passive way.

According to John Bradshaw our negative emotions do serve a purpose.  Anger is an emotion to create an impetus to take action.  Guilt is an energy to repair our mistakes and do better.  Shame is a motivating energy to seek a higher spiritual direction.  Of these three emotions shame is generally the underlying emotion that is the strongest influence to remain in a dysfunctional pattern.  However if we transform our shamed self, of how we were defined as lesser than, unworthy we open to the reality of a higher love for ourselves than leads us to a more evolved spiritual being.

Most importantly forgiveness for our parents or the abuser occurs at a more genuine level, we can give them a love they never gave us.  When we find healing within us we are capable of giving love from a place that is abundant and given freely.  Love is evolved to a higher level, unrequited love.  When we give that to our abusers at every age we unlock the chains of our abuse and somewhere in the abusers universe we open their life to more freedom.

A great example of Unrequited Love, of someone aspiring beyond their own pain to give a greater love to those who gave him less is Nelson Mandela. Imprisoned for years by the white South African people Nelson came out of prison to soon be the president of South African.  Yet his message was never about revenge but unification, two cultures growing together.  Mandela embraced his white countrymen, the same who imprisoned him to create something greater for everyone in the country.

By Bart Sharp

Sometimes when we feel we are stuck in our personal growth we are close to breaking through to something greater in our therapeutic progress.  It may feel like we are totally in our limitations when actually we are making great personal progress.  Like the saying goes, “The darkest hour is right before the dawn.”

One of my clients told me that after doing sessions with me he was feeling more anger and rage than he had experienced in years in his spiritual growth.  He saw the sessions as counterproductive, however it was really progress in his personal development.  Finally my client was feeling what was occurring in his body, anger and shame.

Children who are shamed, aggressed upon or live in fear, there is the one thing that many of these young ones are not permitted to express is anger.  They have a knowing back then that the situation would only become worse if they asserted themselves.  It is a brilliant strategy to stay out of the way.  Many children do this but unfortunately shame themselves later for it.  As a result the anger then is suppressed even deeper in their psyche and body.  There it is held suppressed as a part of their unconscious.

This type of suppressed anger becomes an unconscious influence in our life guiding us to health issues, addiction, depression and more.  So many of my clients do not come to me to resolve anger but other by-products that are created from suppression of emotions.  Many do not realize the rage that is within them.  However when the issues are explored and cleared the anger and rage began to come up.

It is predictable for anger to reappear because the body desperately wants us to let this huge weight go.  Repressed anger and rage is a degenerating force inside of us.  When we begin the process of exploration to resolve the past the body brings the energetic memories of the old show angers up.

My client’s body was so ready so ready for him to release his rage that it came up in prolific ways.  Unfortunately it scared him and he stepped back from doing therapeutic work.  After time he realized this and came back to do my personal work.  When we feel the angst and/or in crises it is the perfect time to go deeply into the situation.

When we have issues from our past come up, look at them as an opportunity to permanently release pains of the past.  Our body and unconsciousness is trying to present this to us.  We have the possibility to change if we choose to continue to do the self-improvement work.

By Bart Sharp

It may not be the fear of success that limits us but not knowing what success feels like that leaves us clueless how to achieve success.  A big part of the equation is the unconscious aspects of shame that we do not deserve it that affects our ability to manifest successful ventures.  Below is a story and analysis of how shame based beliefs affect our ability to receive success.

Our unconscious beliefs can sabotage business plans in a variety of ways, as suppressed memories are strong influences in our life.  It can be the driving force of making verbal errors in a presentation, forgetting important dates, not seeing obvious errors in our plans and the list goes on.  When we hold a strong emotional message of we are less than others or shame within our body that memory is still in action working as an unconscious force within us.  If someone is making errors in their life that appears to fall below the level of their intelligence it could be they have suppressed shame that is influencing them to achieve below their potential.

In order to break through these patterns we first begin by acknowledging where our life is not working.  Reflecting back to our parent’s own patterns will most likely give us insight to where we first created it.   We may not copy our parents challenges directly in the same areas but we it will give us some perspective in how we created our life.  Looking at where our parents judged they were lacking or were less in receiving success will most likely reflect back to us.

The target is clarity in how the patterns were created and how we feel inside of ourselves in regards to the experiences of our past.  The map is remembering the stories of what happened feeling the experiences in your body connect to a more real experience that your body and awareness is functioning within.

As we relate to the experiences of what happened to us and how it affected us, paying attention to how our body is reacting will tell us where we stored the memory of the experience.  We may feel a heaviness in our stomach, tension in our heart, or any change in our body’s sensations when we relate to the experience is most likely our body communicating the memory to us.  When we feel these energies within we can sit still and simply feel them and at the same time maintain our attention to the incident that created.  By placing our focus on these two perspectives we open it to unfolding even more in that the intensity of the energetic memory make change or we will recall more parts of our life related to the limitation created.

The memory of us is a part of a shadow side that does not reveal itself in an obvious way because we do not feel comfortable with its existence.  However the more we can recognize this hidden part of us and find forgiveness and acceptance of it we can begin to integrate this energetic side of us.   David’s lack of awareness of his shame made it an unknown force that influenced how he manifested his life, the unconscious message that he deserved less influence all facets of his life.  Until it is recognized and resolved it will always be a force creating the reality of what a shamed manifests.

Identification and recognition is half the journey and is a process that has a multiplicity of memories.

When we have firmly discovered the limitation in our body and have a grasp of the story behind it we probably have a good vision of the age and persona of whom we were while in that pained place.  The adult or child that we were in some form is split apart from us through the pain and/or suffering of the limitation.  We can counsel this part of us.  It then becomes an inner journey of transforming our limitations.  Then the real work begins.

By Bart Sharp

It may not be the fear of success that limits us but not knowing what success feels like that leaves us clueless how to achieve success.  A big part of the equation is the unconscious aspects of shame that we do not deserve it that affects our ability to manifest successful ventures.  Below is a story and analysis of how shame based beliefs affect our ability to receive success.

David’s father did not know the steps to success on an intrinsic level and made a critical mistake in that he judged himself as inadequate or less than.  It is an emotional based limitation that David’s father most likely unconsciously copied from his father and David continued the cycle.   The reactions of blaming and shaming ourselves perpetuates the lack of success as the generations of the family judged themselves and through the judgment the memory was implanted like a seed into the energetic memory of their body.

The old memory is a deep-seated belief that goes back to what David created within himself as a child.  It is as simple as wanting to be like his dad.  We copy these behaviors much more in depth that repeating the actions and mannerisms of our parents.  We also intrinsically recreate their world within us as an energetic memory.

When David bowed his head in our conversation he was repeating a pattern that that he manifested from his father.   The fears of his success were directly related to an unconscious belief that he was less than others.  Each time I witness the nodding I felt something in his abdominal area tighten.  That area was an energetic memory of David’s past that influenced him by reinforcing the belief in his body memory that he was less.  In addition, the bowing appeared as a symbolic gesture that he was blocking himself from receiving more in life.

The concept of energetic memory is a new concept for many, however its application is something we have all experienced.  For example, if a person nearly drowned in an incident at a swimming pool they might feel tension in their stomach when they approached a pool again.  The trauma of the energetic memory of the past trauma at the pool revives when it is stimulated from being close to a similar situation.

David’s energetic memory was not created from a traumatic event but from the negative emotions that he had learned as a child.  Each time he talked about his business and how he desired success that energetic memory came to unconsciously influence his action.  It was a very subtle but nevertheless communicated to David he was unable to succeed.  His body expressed this energy by lightly contracting and bowing his head.

Logically the person listening to David’s sales approach might not comprehend the fear that is the underlying energy inside of David.  However, they might walk away thinking the ideal was good.  Yet not able to totally believe in David and trust his ability to carry out his service but not understand why.  Something does not feel exactly right in the situation, they may not logically understand it but they feel it.

By Bart Sharp

It may not be the fear of success that limits us but not knowing what success feels like that leaves us clueless how to achieve success.  A big part of the equation is the unconscious aspects of shame that we do not deserve it that affects our ability to manifest successful ventures.  It may not be a fear of failure or fear of rejection but not having the inner rudder of confidence to guide you.  Below is a story and analysis of how shame based beliefs affect our ability to receive success.

While I was attending a networking event and visited with a young man named David who was describing his upcoming web business.  As he described the uniqueness of his site I could feel his excitement with the prospects.  There was polish in his presentation that told he had worked diligently on his plans.

Impressed with his business plan I complemented this twenty-something year old man on his ingenuity.  As he began to speak again his head bowed as if he was holding something back.  We continued to talk and each time I gave him feedback I saw the same response of lowering his head.

The message was becoming apparent that he was unable to receive my complements.  However there was something deeper within him, which was tied to the unconscious blockage.  There was an element of shame in the head bowing that originated somewhere from his past that unconsciously influenced him.

In an intuitive flash it felt like there was something about his father that was a part of this equation.  I asked David, “Was your father dis-satisfied with how he made money?”

Once again David bowed, nodded his head in acknowledgement and said, “My dad worked very hard but never had the success that he wanted.”

The information was really apparent.  David was in the direction to break open into a world his father had never known and like his father David was venturing into the unknown.  He did not have an awareness of what it felt like to have huge financial accomplishments.

David’s mannerisms signaled his fears of this adventure.  Included in the equation was a feeling of shame although he had worked hard at resolving the fear through a higher education, mentorship and being in the atmosphere of other successful people.  However there was something hidden in his unconscious being that showed that he was not yet ready.

What limited David was related to his father in that his dad felt ashamed that he had not accomplished his financial goals in life.  I would suspect that there would be deeper emotional issues related to creation of his limitations.  There was one aspect that was related to the shame that directly affected his ability to create a significantly larger income, the fear of success.

The fear of success is not a phobia but more of not knowing what the sensation of making lots of money feels like.  The person with a fear of success is unable to envision what the accomplishment would be in their life.  It is beyond a business plan, or making money as the target but the whole reality a person creates in their world when they have monumental prosperity.  What the unsuccessful person has instead of an internal successful paradigm is a blank perception of what it is like to manifest their own greatness.  It is something they do not feel intrinsically inside of them therefore generating it in their life is more difficult.

The Unconscious Power Of Oprah Winfrey

By Bart Sharp

The life of Oprah Winfrey has inspired us all.  What fascinates me with Oprah Winfrey’s biography is that she had many disadvantages in her youth including poverty and being raped.  However Oprah believed in her self and her dreams to be much more.  Oprah Winfrey’s life has been one of believing in her dreams or visions and creating it into a reality.  Hopefully she will delight us with more of her creations through the years.

The question always mystifies me is how can one person have misfortune and rise above it while another never moves beyond it?  There are many aspects to this riddle and there is no one clear cut answer.

One aspect that might be a strength in Oprah Winfrey’s childhood was the love she received as an infant.  In the first two years of life we create the basis of our self-image.  Our unconscious power that is a huge part of our inner fortitude.  If we are genuinely loved and cared for in those early years it translates to personal belief and power in latter years.  It is one of our internal powers that guides us through other challenges in life.

If our parents are despondent, unloving, uncaring, overwhelmed or unavailable in other ways we as infants doubt ourselves.  Intrinsically we belief something must be wrong with us and we feel ashamed about our existence.  As we grow older we have that unconscious doubt about ourselves influencing our decisions and when we are challenged a part of unconsciousness wants to reinforce that we deserved such misfortune.  It is how the unconscious influences of how shame works.

However we can rise out of the ashes of our shamed childhood.  What it requires of us is to look deeply into our past at the stories of our life and most importantly feeling them in our body.  I have found in my personal work as well as with clients that when we viscerally feel the experiences and do energetic clearings about them we transform the shaming memories quicker.  It takes time but shame can be transformed.  Like Oprah Winfrey we can grow into a strong conscious and unconscious power that guides us to create our dreams.

Bart Sharp is an author and Access Energy Transformation Facilitator from Austin Texas. He has worked with a wide variety of people with emotional abuses or traumas, suppressed anger, addictions, depression and shame.  Bart’s approach by releasing the limitations as an energetic body memory are unique but effective.

By Bart Sharp

Last Sunday the Chicago Bears played the Green Bay Packers in the NFC Championship football game and Chicago’s star quarterback Jay Cutler had a knee injury in the first half of the game.  Jay Cutler tried to complete the game but left in the 3^rd quarter not to return.  Football analysis across the country jumped on the bandwagon to criticize Jay Cutler for this event. Critics reviewed the quarterbacks professional career stating that Jay Cutler always folded under pressure where others would find a way to play with the pain or find the miracle play that could lead their team to victory.  The opinion was that Jay Cutler does not have this special power that only great athletes have although he has all of the physical capabilities.

I do not know Jay Cutler’s psyche but can only speculate what brings people to greatness above others competing for the same prize.  To believe in ones self more than the other person is the quality, to concentrate all of you in the moment so that all of your self and talents are utilized in that moment.  Why can some do it and others cannot?  It comes down to believing in you totally.

What gets in the way of that is an innate ability that we deserve to possess such phenomenal talents.   We either have it or we do not. And what happened to us that we do not have it?  The messages we receive as children that we are lesser create a shame base or toxic shame that places our own self evaluation that we are below others.  Having shame for a quarterback is a huge weight to carry while under the pressure of leading a team to victory.  For someone like Jay Cutler he has achieved great things but there may still may be some deep wounded messages that create the seeds of weakness in his psyche.  Competing in the world of professional football even the smallest flaws are exposed and taken advantage of.

If we are not meeting the standards of our own highest performance it may be time to reflect upon the messages we received as a child and begin the process of healing shame that creates our limitations.  When we heal shame of the shortcomings that it has taught us to believe in ourselves, we gain our innate power to perform in life with a new power.