By Bart Sharp

Two friends Todd and Jerome were at the seemingly at the end of their relationship.  They created a business together and after almost five years had run its course to a dismal end.  There was numerous levels of blame to go around to each party and both men resented the mistakes the other had made.  Not only was the business ending but the friendship was on the last ends of disravel.

It seemed like both young men could tell the habits and moves of how the other made their business recede.

First was Jerome’s ongoing flirtation with customers as he was going way over the line contended Todd.

Jerome responded Todd’s too anal analytic approach always made customers feel he was incompetent as Todd made sure every account was checked twice making their clients wait too long for services.  It made Todd look insecure.

Todd felt that Jerome’s personal life intertwined with the business too much.  When his former girlfriend came into the office and accused Jerome of cheating on her in front of some of their clients was a huge loss that the business never recovered from.

Jerome declared Todd’s serious demeanor of rarely cracking a joke while working never created an invitation for people to continue to see them.  The customer never felt welcomed with Todd.

The accusations continued as a litany of mistakes were revealed between the two men.  It was a pathway through the past of how they created a failure.  The commonality of the two men was they were hiding behind how they were right and the other person was wrong.

Being right and the other person is wrong is a perspective hides the judgment that maintains a fear we will be found out by others and in this case the fear of being exposed that we are inadequate seems to resonate.  Both Todd and Jerome are quick to point the finger at on another yet maintain a defensive position that does not allow them to see their own self’s actions.  It is all talk with no listening.

Sadly if Todd and Jerome dissolve the business and start anew it is very likely they will create the same mistakes again because they did not do two crucial things.  They were not willing to see how they created the situation and were willing to admit that they were wrong.

There is release or a freeing feeling if you can admit that there is a possibility that you are wrong.  In Todd and Jerome’s case they learned early that making mistakes opened them to criticism and shaming.  Acceptance and love from their parents depended upon them being accomplished and successful (even as children).  So they associated admitting weakness to being unloved or being rejected.  However in doing so they created a judgment that vulnerability is a weakness instead of an openness to see a different point of view.

Admitting we are wrong opens us to the possibility to see our mistakes.  What most people misunderstand about mistakes is it is nothing to feel ashamed about.   Making mistakes is an important part of the learning process.  If Jerome and Todd could begin the process of seeing how they created their business from their errors (and even laugh at them) they could see how learning from our past mistakes can free their entire lives in so many ways.  They could have a different outcome than one hundred steps of blame that lead to tragedy.