By Bart Sharp

The whole nature of shame is that we were told in some way, verbally or non-verbally that we were less than creating the invalidation of the great beings that we knew we were as infants or children.  Babies come into this world knowing intrinsically they are great beings however they lose this perspective when the adult oriented world tells them how limited they are.  Some parents do this in innocent ways while others are abusive.  Those who are told in unkind ways not only hold the shame but we create strong reactions to the messages that we are less than such as; anger, rage, addiction, depression, anxiety, insecurity and more.  All too often the root of these emotions and behaviors is shame based.

Healing shame begins to change all of the other behaviors and emotions.  When we release shame we connect to something much greater, joy.  Joy is the feeling when everything in us feels complete.  When we first embark on this journey of healing shame we experience joy in periods of our life, however the more we resolve and clear out shame our joy remains within us.  Joy is the state of a child, it is who we really are.  Finding joy as an adult is different than childhood but regardless it is a very powerful place to create our life from.

Bart Sharp works with healing shame using individual therapy either by phone or in person.

By Bart Sharp

When we are in a home environment where were we are continually made to feel lesser than, belittled and/or abused the child experiences toxic shame.  Toxic shame can happen in many forms from an alcoholic neglectful parent, abusive father, dominating siblings and many more.  The child is taught early own to compromise their own identity and self-worth in order to fit into the dysfunctional situation.  Below is a story of one of the ways toxic shame is created.

Some children may feel underneath others; their brothers, sisters and friends.  They desperately want them to be liked and played with.  There is something of an intrinsic value that this needy child could not identify in them selves that makes them feel separate from others.

The needy child seeks this unknown quality in others through winning their approval and attention.  This child would even compromise them self in order to get attention.  They would play the subservient role in order to form friendships with others.  In the end it is a dis-satisfying relationship and reinforces the belief that something unknown is still lacking in this child with less.  They are seeking an internal gift that none of their siblings or friends could give to them.

In the beginnings of an infant’s life when the parents receive their child into the world they can look at the child with love and excitement, through that transference occurs.  The baby is given a flame of love.  It is an energy that comes within the mother and father and through their caring, love and hope.  The gift is then set to grow.

The flame gives the child strength and an inner well-being.  A spirit evolves inside to explore and thrive.

If the infant is brought into the world without the gifts of love and kindness the child interprets this as their own fault.  A conclusion is drawn that there is something wrong with them.  Not on an intellectual level but something deep inside is wounded.  The inner flame is not nurtured and built upon by the parents.

There are many aspects of this gift the parents have for the child.  Some children are literally unwelcome, others are loved but the parents are not fully committed to be a mother or father.  Some parent’s carry significant wounds themselves so there is less presence in caring and loving to give to the infant.  The baby does not comprehend these aspects they sense the deficiency inside the parents and take the blame on them selves.

When a baby comes into the world they are the essence of joy.   As they grow into infancy the happiness that they are is an expression of love that is close to divine and at the same time innocent.   It is the child’s gift that they have to give to their parents and the world.  It is healing for the parents to receive their baby, as they can be inspired of this pure love that they once were.  It also reaffirms to the infant or child that they have value, giving them encouragement to share of them selves out into the world.

If the child is not acknowledged of their gift of love and are not affirmed something begins to sour. They eventually begin to buy into their parents beliefs that the world is not a magical place.  The child believes that they are not magical.  The flame inside falters and the child begins to believe in the adult world of a lack of love.  Most importantly the child feels shame that they were incapable of making a difference.

By Bart Sharp

When we begin the journey of finding our past, discovering our shame, anger, beliefs of inadequacy we open to an inner power and magical life within us.

Mary Ann told herself that she could not take it anymore.  The working housewife felt taken for granted by her husband, high school aged son and daughter for her years of being a caring and loving mother and wife.  Mary Ann’s husband worked long hours at his business to come home tired.  Her children wanted independence and were striking out on their own. Now when she tried to help, each family member appeared to be resistant to Mary Ann intervening in his or her own way. Mary Ann had always been actively involved in her family’s lives and she felt an absence in herself due to her diminished role.  It had a cold and lonely feeling that felt hauntingly familiar to her past.

It was a fearful feeling of being moved out of her position of necessary mother to needed less that brought the fearful black feeling in Mary Ann’s stomach.  It felt so strongly because she had experienced that kind of sadness many times before as a child.  Mary Ann grew up in a household with a demanding father and a very passive mother who let Mary Ann become the mother of the household at an early age in a variety of ways.  Mary Ann seemed to be more ‘with it’ than her mother in knowing what was needed to be done.

It was not a truly satisfying position because Mary Ann became the household manager to ensure sanity and safety for her own life.  The motivation was out of fear, as Mary Ann was always on guard that her father would explode in rage or her mother would not provide what the family needed.

With that as her base experience in care taking Mary Ann found less joy in marriage and raising her children because the doubts of her past always influenced her to question or doubt herself.   Mary Ann’s resume as a caretaker was extensive, (she had done it all of her life).  Yet she always doubted her abilities.  Everyone in her family sensed this in some way and trusted Mary Ann less than she deserved.

Now at age forty with her children almost raised and her husband committed to an ever demanding schedule Mary Ann was uncertain what to do next.  She sought help.  One of the things she found was a few simple tools to guide her and over time, changed her life.

Mary Ann had learned that she had a variety of incidents in her childhood that were unresolved and these pains needed to healed.  The first stage was to identify and write the stories of her life and the wounds.  Mary Ann began this introspective process most every morning.

Through the process of writing Mary Ann created a vision of what it was like to be her as a child.  She had almost forgotten the patterns that she has previously created.  Now that they were in her present adult mind she could see how that little girl lived in fear and found caretaking as her protective device.  As a regular exercise Mary Ann would visualize the little girl that she once was sitting in her own lap.  She would visualize holding the girl and would tell her what she thought her little girl wanted to hear the most such as; “that she was loved, she was not responsible for everyone, she always was enough for her father”.

At first this exercise sounded silly but through time Mary Ann realized that the best person to give her love was her-self.  She needed to be caring and kind to her child self as well as her adult self.  Each time she nurtured her child self sometime felt more complete in her adult perspective.

A second practice that Mary Ann began is spending at least one hour a day doing something that was nurturing for her.  It might be gardening, art, walking on nature trails, decorating but the activity usually involve some aspect that was creative and stimulated that curious and aware spirit of Mary Ann.  Most importantly it was an activity that was done exclusively for her heart’s desire.  This was something Mary Ann never seemed to do before.  As she developed her repertoire of activities she began to think in ways of pleasing herself instead of the ever continual mind-think of how I can make my children’s, husband’s and parent’s life better.

Within a matter of months Mary Ann’s family began to notice mom was different.  She no longer seemed to be hovering over them.  Her children began to relax more around her.  Mary Ann was still available for them but through her family’s request.  They began to be attracted to Mary Ann because she was more fulfilled and fun.  Mary Ann had her own life to be excited about.

Mary Ann no longer is fed up.  She found that could look back at her life in curiosity and not fear.  At the age of forty she was ready for her own special adventures.

By Bart Sharp

When we discover and release our past shame we begin to create a new perspective in how we see ourselves in the world.  Releasing the secret underlying messages that we are less and cannot achieve our dreams unleashes a more authentic self that can receive all of life more easily.  We can change the basis of our beliefs and limitation and manifest our lives differently.

Some children may feel underneath others; their brothers, sisters and friends.  They desperately want them to be liked and played with.  There is something of an intrinsic value that this needy child could not identify in them selves that makes them feel separate from others.

The needy child seeks this unknown quality in others through winning their approval and attention.  This child would even compromise them self in order to get attention.  They would play the subserviate role in order to form friendships with others.  In the end it is a dis-satisfying relationship and reinforces the belief that something unknown is still lacking in this child with less.  They are seeking an internal gift that none of their siblings or friends could give to them.

In the beginnings of an infant’s life when the parents receive their child into the world they can look at the child with love and excitement, through that a transference occurs.  The baby is given a flame of love.  It is an energy that comes within the mother and father and through their caring, love and hope.  The gift is then set to grow.

The flame gives the child strength and an inner well-being.  A spirit evolves inside to explore and thrive.

If the infant is brought into the world without the gifts of love and kindness the child interprets this as their own fault.  A conclusion is drawn that there is something wrong with them.  Not on an intellectual level but something deep inside is wounded.  The inner flame is not nurtured and built upon by the parents.

There are many aspects of this gift the parents have for the child.  Some children are literally unwelcome, others are loved but the parents are not fully committed to be a mother or father.  Some parents carry significant wounds themselves so there is less presence in caring and loving to give to the infant.  The baby does not comprehend these aspects they sense the deficiency inside the parents and take the blame on them selves.

When a baby comes into the world they are the essence of joy.   As they grow into infancy the happiness that they are is an expression of love that is close to divine and at the same time innocent.   It is the child’s gift that they have to give to their parents and the world.  It is healing for the parents to receive their baby as they can be inspired of this pure love that they once were.  It also reaffirms to the infant or child that they have value, giving them encouragement to share of them selves out into the world.

If the child is not acknowledged of their gift of love and are not affirmed something begins to sour. They eventually begin to buy into their parents beliefs that the world is not a magical place.  The child believes that they are not magical.  The flame inside falters and the child begins to believe in the adult world of a lack of love.  Most importantly the child feels shame that they were incapable of making a difference.

The dampening of the flame that shame is associated with can be created during various stages of an infant’s life.  Some children are shamed in every stage of development where as others are limited to a few stages.  As the shame is repressed into memory the frustration begins to impact the heart and soul of the child.  The shame begins to take various forms of expression such as anger, passive aggressive behaviors, depression, resentments, lack of confidence, lack of inner direction and more shame.  The child becomes an adult carrying these limitations into everyday life.

The process of healing begins in exploring these limitations and discovering your story.  It is the cognitive realization of what happened in your life.  It is the therapy of finding how your emotional wounds were created.  Recognizing our past is essential in healing.

To go discover a deeper resolve is a process of uncovering shame deeper than the mind but body memories.  This process begins in understanding how it occurred by recalling the stories of our shamed life.  Next as you recall the stories feel how our body is reacting when we relive the incidents.   The energy of our limitations is stored into our body.  Each memory that we have judged as bad or wrong is stored in our body.  It never really goes away.  For most it is a life of suppressing these experiences so that they are not felt.

There is something very powerful in exploring the past.   You can re-live the experience feel where it is occurring in your body.  For example while you review an experience you may feel the anger that you suppressed in your stomach or an anxious feeling in your heart or a thick heavy sensation in your lower intestines.  It is the energetic memory of the incident.  It is important to fully feel this energy, get accustomed to it and recognize it as an integral part of you.

When you feel the experience your body often is recreating what it was feeling back in the original experience.  It can be intense.  It is important not to judge it but to experience it.  It is what we did not process it fully back then otherwise it would not be such a traumatic experience.  Allowance is the key in resolving shaming events of your past.  Letting the infant or child or your past to have these feelings under a nurturing and non-judging presence by your adult-self. Patiently contemplate the perceptions that occur while you are present with this past memory.

When we discover and release our past shame we begin to create a new perspective in how we see ourselves in the world.  Releasing the secret underlying messages that we are less and cannot achieve our dreams unleashes a more authentic self that can receive all of life more easily.  We can change the basis of our beliefs and limitation and manifest our lives differently.

Bart Sharp is an Access Facilitator who specializes in helping others release suppressed emotions such as shame on energetic memory level.  Through this experience Bart has witnessed people making dynamic changes in their lives through private sessions and learning techniques to clear their limitations on their own.  Bart resides in Austin Texas and works with people in person or by phone.