By Bart Sharp

The whole nature of shame is that we were told in some way, verbally or non-verbally that we were less than creating the invalidation of the great beings that we knew we were as infants or children.  Babies come into this world knowing intrinsically they are great beings however they lose this perspective when the adult oriented world tells them how limited they are.  Some parents do this in innocent ways while others are abusive.  Those who are told in unkind ways not only hold the shame but we create strong reactions to the messages that we are less than such as; anger, rage, addiction, depression, anxiety, insecurity and more.  All too often the root of these emotions and behaviors is shame based.

Healing shame begins to change all of the other behaviors and emotions.  When we release shame we connect to something much greater, joy.  Joy is the feeling when everything in us feels complete.  When we first embark on this journey of healing shame we experience joy in periods of our life, however the more we resolve and clear out shame our joy remains within us.  Joy is the state of a child, it is who we really are.  Finding joy as an adult is different than childhood but regardless it is a very powerful place to create our life from.

Bart Sharp works with healing shame using individual therapy either by phone or in person.

By Bart Sharp

For the perpetually angry person trying to control anger can create a huge amount of anxiety as they try to manage their anger.  Then it becomes the anger management techniques for anxiety as well as anger that they need.  Most tools of anger management maintains a focus of the person controlling the anger through better awareness and exerting more attention to the behaviors.  The person using anger management has to use more of their energy to focus on not expressing anger so anxiety is a common outcome.  It is like trying to put out a grass fire with just your feet, it is affective in small amounts but when the flames are extensive the strategy is futile.  Who would not have anxiety?

When the person who is constantly angry is trying to come to terms with anger it is important for the person to look inside themselves beyond their mind to their body.  The memories that are from our past are held in body, in our cellular structures.  For example someone who was abused as a child will most likely have stored the anger inside of them in reaction to the abuser in a location like their stomach.  When they as adults meet situations similar to the people who abused them the suppressed memories of their past arise and it often feels like they are reacting from the pain of the past, not the present.

One of the best tools to use in these situations is learning to feel the body’s reactions when we become angry.  To feel the inflamed reactions in our stomach, intestines and other places that hold the angst.

By taking a part of our day as a time of reflection, review the events of the day and recall the parts that were anger inducing,  To relive them in a calm environment.  We will feel the same sensations we experienced earlier once again, however we are in a place of observation not action.  As we sit and recall the event we feel the negative reaction in our body.  We observe that sensation very closely.  Feel the distress that is creating in a place like our stomach or heart.  Being as present as we possibly can with it, feel all of the sensations of it.  It may feel inflamed, heavy, painful, the size of it.  Then I may ask questions about it such as “Where age (or situation) did this energy originate?” and may get a response of when it first happened.  This is all a fact finding exercise in discovering more about the energetic memory of the anger.

There are different strategies in resolving this old suppressed energy.  First would be to sit with it and tell our body we do not have to live in this past anymore.  To gently allow this energy to dissolve on its own.  Second is to feel the energy within the body and scream it out.  When we are in touch with the source of the anger that is suppressed it is an energy whose original intention is expression.  By screaming into a pillow while we feel it can release the old anger.  Third I do energetic clearings on the anger, with the tools of Access Energy Transformation.  When we identify the anger and do these clearings it is highly effective in permanently releasing the anger.

We do not need to experience the anxiety of managing our anger if we can release it.  We can progress to living joyful and happy lives instead of angry ones.

The shadow is an equally important part of us to the persona that we hold in the front and show to the world, it is equally a part of our personal power.  The shadow is the parts of the past that have been suppressed or unrecognized.  It can also be oppositional to the image of us that we actively present to others. We live in a duality of our life of light and dark and our power goes to both places.  As much energy as some project out to the being they wish to actively present in the world the we supply the shadow side an energy as well.

Psychologist Carl Jung, creator of the shadow concept said,  “The Shadow must always have an avenue to be explored and expressed otherwise it will come out in a more animalistic way.”  The evidence of the shadow in an animalistic expression would be someone attacking another in a ‘road rage’ incident or beating his wife whom he loves yet cannot control his expression of anger.   It would be easy to assume that there is anger suppressed and unresolved in these attackers that suddenly comes out when triggered.

The expression of the shadow comes out in other ways than direct aggression.  Some may be passively expressing the aggression, obsessed, have addictions, depression and other behaviors.  It is our psychi’s way of using a behavior to not feel the suppressed parts of us AKA the  shadow side.   However, the unresolved pains of our past that are the creation of our shadow are the driving energy of our dysfunctional behaviors.  An important ingredient of resolving our negative behaviors is knowing how the creation of our undesired patterns is an expression of our shadow.

The more that we can look into the stories of our past and see the dynamics of how we created our shadow sides we can begin to integrate these parts within us so our life feels more whole.  We begin to see the shadow part that once came forth as intense, destructive anger is now a strong energy that can firmly advocate for a cause or tell another “No” in a firm way that no longer requires a physical force to back it.  Or someone who is addicted may come to terms with their shame so that now they have more self-esteem.  Though their awareness of  how they created themselves as feeling lesser than the humility that they have is an heart opening that opens them to be more aware of others and confront their addictions.

When we suppress an experience we often do so because it is too overwhelming and/or we do not have the tools to process the information.  When we judge the situation as bad because it is unbearable; a part of our self splits apart from us on an energetic level creating the shadow.  This memory separates as a sub-identity from us, as it is a part of us but exists as a wounded side of us in partial integration.   This is why after a traumatic experience we do not feel whole and a part of us incomplete.  All of this could be avoided if we could process this experience and reconcile it within us beginning in our childhood.

The shadow remains as a submerged part of our consciousness holding a anguished part of us hidden away in a suppressed state.  This past energy is not totally passive. When we encounter situations that are similar to the suppressed experience the behavior recreates itself in the image of the past emotional trauma that we originally had.  So we feel the same past intensity as the shadow part becomes alive and sparks the body to relive the sensation again.  Most people react in a negative way when they feel these old memories not knowing it is from their past.  For many they are reliving these past tape loops time and time again.  Worst yet, they judge something is wrong with them resulting in re-traumatizing themselves.

It is important when we encounter a situation that we feel distress and know that it is unreasonably greater than the present stimulus we may have memories of our past influencing us.  It is important not to react in a fearful way or judge us but to perceive the sensations occurring in our body.  When we observe what is occurring inside of us we begin the process of uncovering and dissolving the fears and energies that surround this past memory.

By paying attention to the uncomfortable sensations in our body be begin the process of identifying the body memory of our trauma.  Next ask your self what was it that stimulated the trauma to reappear.  It may have been a thought, comment or place that is associated with a past experience.  I find that people will often represent others that I have had unresolved conflicts with whose memories are stored away.  When I feel these emotions in my body I ask, “Where is the source of this from?” or “Where did this come from?”  Often a vision or short message comes up into my body, not from my mind that will let me know where the stress originated.

The more clarity I have with the situation where the suffering originated I can recall the event.  By identifying our self and the others in the event we can begin the process of forgiving our self and others.

When we experience events in life that overwhelm us a part of our psychi splits apart from us.  The trauma of the memory of the event is too much for us to hold in our body and/or we are unable to process it.  An example would be someone who is physically abused, the pain and suffering of the event creates the separation as a part of them begins to exist outside of themselves.  However the anxiety does not completely leave the body only a part of their persona.  However, the anxiety is directly connected to the split-shadow part of the person.  When the abused person encounters someone or thing that they associate with the abuse their body recreates the memory from the anxious wound of the split part of themselves.

In my work I help the person identify the trauma in their body, trace it back to the incident and identify this shadow part that has separated from them.  Once the split self is found it can be easily re-integrated back into the body.  Then the uncomfortable sensations immediately leave that once existed in our body memory.  More importantly the person feels that part of their life is whole and the fears that the original trauma has created in the person’s life disappear.  The split part re-energizes the body with a part of its innate intelligence or being that it has not known since the original incident.  The re-occuring patterns of anxiety, anger, guilt that are unconsciously created from that specific trauma go away.

The shadow is reintegrated more fully by realizing the suppressed traumas in our body.  When we become more aware of all the unconscious parts of us and the shadow becomes an inner strength instead of a undesirable part of us.  In addition, the fearful parts of the suppressed memories are no longer there giving us subtle and not so subtle negative messages about ourselves.

Without an aggressive or fear based shadow the joy that we all innately have becomes a regular aspect of us.  We find it easier to move forward in all parts of our life.