Questions To Ask About A Painful Relationship

Questions To Ask About A Painful Relationship

By Bart Sharp

I was once in a painful relationship and did not know which direction to take of staying or leaving.  Like most relationships there are happy and painful aspects within it so it is difficult to know what is the best decision for the future of the sometimes pained relationship.

I was given some great relationship advice that helped me go beyond the box that I created.  I was told to write out five to eight of the most important things that I wish to become or am creating in my life.  These are my most valued life ambitions or lifestyle choices of who I am and what I am working towards.

Next I looked at each point and decided if my partner would allow me and/or actively support me in becoming that person.  If I have one or two ambitions that we are both not actively together, the relationship might be able to endure it.  However if there are more than two aspects the relationship would most likely not work, resulting in me having to shrink myself to such a degree in the relationship that I could not be happy.  My self worth would diminish if I stayed in the painful relationship.

This exercise gave me real clarity of how I could not stay and why.  In fact I realized how much I wanted her to change when the reality was she was never going to evolve the way I wanted her to become.  It was an illusion that I was creating that she would change for me in a big way.  She actually would only adjust to meet my needs a tiny bit.  In a decision that was made entirely for me I left the relationship.

This exercise has helped me learn more of what I desire and do not wish for in a relationship.  My clarity can empower me in some big ways.