The Process Of Releasing Anger And Resentments

The Process Of Releasing Anger And Resentments

By Bart Sharp

No matter what happens, I would like to live the rest of my life without getting angry, stressed, resentful or worried unless it was my choice to do so and I was making that choice fully present in that moment.

I remember getting mad at one of my students and I could see that I was just playing a part like an actor.  I had to do it because it was the only way that she would ‘get it’ to respect the boundary.   Once the play or confrontation was done I went back to calm.  I was completely detached from the situation. The reason that it was so easy was I made a conscious choice to do it that way.  There were no fears from my past triggering me to react in an old familiar pattern and as a result I did not become the affect of it.  That felt good.

For me when I become angry, resentful or stressed in relating to another there is usually an underlying fear that I am carrying at the same time such as: “I am not doing this good enough”, “This person is threatening to me”, or “This person reminds me of someone else who misused me and therefore I do not like these kind of people”.  Our mind/ego can create 101 reasons to create these fear-based rationales.

Now when I do react in a negative way (that I feel I am not actively choosing) I make sure I find some time later to process the situation.  After reviewing the situation and seeing how it felt in that past experience I ask, “When did I do this before?”  I want to see my patterns and hopefully where I originally began do this. Then I can begin to see the fearful situation that I did not resolve.  More processing.

Through this analysis I usually see how I recreated my life’s unsuccessful patterns.  Then I can begin the final stage of forgiving myself in some way. It is a heartfelt forgiveness and does not need to be very long most of the time.  I know I am finished with the situation when I began to feel no resistance to the situation.  Then I am ready to move onto a more joyful place.