Discovering You Magical Life And Finding You Again!

Discovering You Magical Life And Finding You Again!

By Bart Sharp

When we begin the journey of finding our past, discovering our shame, anger, beliefs of inadequacy we open to an inner power and magical life within us.

Mary Ann told herself that she could not take it anymore.  The working housewife felt taken for granted by her husband, high school aged son and daughter for her years of being a caring and loving mother and wife.  Mary Ann’s husband worked long hours at his business to come home tired.  Her children wanted independence and were striking out on their own. Now when she tried to help, each family member appeared to be resistant to Mary Ann intervening in his or her own way. Mary Ann had always been actively involved in her family’s lives and she felt an absence in herself due to her diminished role.  It had a cold and lonely feeling that felt hauntingly familiar to her past.

It was a fearful feeling of being moved out of her position of necessary mother to needed less that brought the fearful black feeling in Mary Ann’s stomach.  It felt so strongly because she had experienced that kind of sadness many times before as a child.  Mary Ann grew up in a household with a demanding father and a very passive mother who let Mary Ann become the mother of the household at an early age in a variety of ways.  Mary Ann seemed to be more ‘with it’ than her mother in knowing what was needed to be done.

It was not a truly satisfying position because Mary Ann became the household manager to ensure sanity and safety for her own life.  The motivation was out of fear, as Mary Ann was always on guard that her father would explode in rage or her mother would not provide what the family needed.

With that as her base experience in care taking Mary Ann found less joy in marriage and raising her children because the doubts of her past always influenced her to question or doubt herself.   Mary Ann’s resume as a caretaker was extensive, (she had done it all of her life).  Yet she always doubted her abilities.  Everyone in her family sensed this in some way and trusted Mary Ann less than she deserved.

Now at age forty with her children almost raised and her husband committed to an ever demanding schedule Mary Ann was uncertain what to do next.  She sought help.  One of the things she found was a few simple tools to guide her and over time, changed her life.

Mary Ann had learned that she had a variety of incidents in her childhood that were unresolved and these pains needed to healed.  The first stage was to identify and write the stories of her life and the wounds.  Mary Ann began this introspective process most every morning.

Through the process of writing Mary Ann created a vision of what it was like to be her as a child.  She had almost forgotten the patterns that she has previously created.  Now that they were in her present adult mind she could see how that little girl lived in fear and found caretaking as her protective device.  As a regular exercise Mary Ann would visualize the little girl that she once was sitting in her own lap.  She would visualize holding the girl and would tell her what she thought her little girl wanted to hear the most such as; “that she was loved, she was not responsible for everyone, she always was enough for her father”.

At first this exercise sounded silly but through time Mary Ann realized that the best person to give her love was her-self.  She needed to be caring and kind to her child self as well as her adult self.  Each time she nurtured her child self sometime felt more complete in her adult perspective.

A second practice that Mary Ann began is spending at least one hour a day doing something that was nurturing for her.  It might be gardening, art, walking on nature trails, decorating but the activity usually involve some aspect that was creative and stimulated that curious and aware spirit of Mary Ann.  Most importantly it was an activity that was done exclusively for her heart’s desire.  This was something Mary Ann never seemed to do before.  As she developed her repertoire of activities she began to think in ways of pleasing herself instead of the ever continual mind-think of how I can make my children’s, husband’s and parent’s life better.

Within a matter of months Mary Ann’s family began to notice mom was different.  She no longer seemed to be hovering over them.  Her children began to relax more around her.  Mary Ann was still available for them but through her family’s request.  They began to be attracted to Mary Ann because she was more fulfilled and fun.  Mary Ann had her own life to be excited about.

Mary Ann no longer is fed up.  She found that could look back at her life in curiosity and not fear.  At the age of forty she was ready for her own special adventures.