Judgments And The Degeneration Of Body Consciousness Part Three
By Bart Sharp
Excerpts from “Body Consciousness”
Making a judgment is the most direct way to create us as limited. When we judge we begin turning off our perception to see all options in a situation and create a hardness or density within our body, cells energetically.
A friend of mine told me he was in relationship with his greatest love, she was perfect (a judgment). In this definition of loving the perfect woman my friend could not see her flaws. The reality was this woman was amazing in many ways and was the most expansive experience he ever had with a woman. However, in his limiting point of view he chose to define her as perfect.
I knew this woman and she had many great qualities but had character defects as well. My friend experienced much frustration after a year in the relationship because he could not see her beyond his judgments as his perfect or greatest love. Whenever she became mad and attacked him unfairly it was difficult for the man to see her selfishness in expressing anger. He was often blamed as her coping mechanism to avoid taking ownership of her own anger.
Because my friend defined the woman as perfect; when she became mad my friend had the tendency to find himself the cause or source of the disagreement. Why? She had been defined as perfect, the authority with the best attributes. So how could she have shortcomings in creating the disagreement?
It was a hard journey for my friend until he backtracked and saw how he was living by his own definitions he made of her early in the relationship. Finally, when he realized his earlier judgments and how they were different from the woman he knew in the present. He began to find a perspective of detachment. He could see how she used anger in an aggressive way, this opened the door to the two having a dialogue about anger and having a more realistic relationship.
Whenever we judge something as the greatest or the worst we see only the perspective we decided was right or wrong and much less beyond it. We can enjoy someone, or a situation, place with total adoration and not be in judgment. What it requires of us is to love or dislike without emotions or past or present definitions attached. If we fall in love it is not from the reference points we defined love as (he is great because he has black hair, is wealthy, tall and good looking). All of what is on my “dream man” list. We made a list of those characteristics and when the right person is a fit to what we described it is our defined love, this is a pre-tense of a judging.
It has little to do with the spontaneity of observing what occurs inside when you are with the person or what is created between the two of you when you are together. If we meet someone and there is something within that comes to life, we are happy being with this person and our world feels bigger because they are with us; an honest enjoyment of the present tense. These are not definitions but sensations, observations and choices parts of us expanding because we are with this person. We generally are happier, more grateful when we are with them and we are not creating relationship through judgments.
Judgments are tricky, sometimes we do not know we are judging but the judgment is there. A good rule of thumb is; “If our thought or statement feels heavy, constricting, and/or uncomfortable when it comes out of us there is some kind of judgment there.” We may make a remark to ourselves, “Oh, a homeless person.” However, inside we feel tension. It is most likely a judgment has been stimulated.
If this occurs, do not distress. Feel the sensation of the heaviness inside and learn what message it has for you. Ask questions about it. The more we interact with our body in its greatness, as well as the limitations, our body will show us the information the best way it can. We may find a memory like us hearing our parents judge homeless people as worthless, we agreed or judged because we trusted our parent’s opinion.